I invented you, like you invented me.
We need one another... Paul Eluard
When you find yourself repeatedly in the same situations at work or in relationships, you have to look inside yourself and ask yourself: “what is my contribution in creating these situations that you repeat?”.
ask yourself: “what is my contribution in creating these situations that you repeat?”.
Being adult means accept reality and act in a way consistent with respect to it. If you do not agree . your responsibility, you can have confidence in themselves. An adult human being , in the face of difficulties, think of how to solve the problem, and when he decided to go his own way.
From small , in fact, we depend on those who deal with us to give us love, care, and survival. This link allows you to feel happy and complete.
The way our parents loved it and the quality of their relationships with us in the period of childhood become the model of the later romantic relationships.
That said, we can also say that the relational model acquired in the childhood described previously may not become a justification for what and live and build in adulthood .
It is our right and duty to evolve in our journey , to work for ourselves and our future relationships , because to be a model to consciously correct for us, leaving any other form of false conditioning.
In the couple needs not satisfied, they bring fear and pain. And, in our childlike naivete, we don't have any idea of how to overcome the feeling of insecurity.
As a response, then, we adopt the mechanisms of management primitives, ranging from crying to get attention, to withdraw or to deny even to have certain needs.
During childhood who cares for us, teaching us to adapt to the society. We, the observers, and malleable, we learn what to do to receive love and acceptance.
We learn to suppress and not to comply with those parts that society finds unacceptable not worthy of love. We were all injured during childhood, some more, some less, and some parts of our true nature have been suppressed in our unconscious mind.
The emotional connection that we had with those who dealt with us is a pattern for what was to become the quality of our romantic relationships later: the ability to open up to others, to manage stress, develop self-esteem, raise babies, and so on.
The type of attachment that we have experienced has a significant impact that lasts a lifetime: to become large, we have a job and responsibilities, and there are still some parts that were childish and need to grow up.
In couple to live a full life, we need to develop ourselves, with love and not driven by fear and anxiety.
Develop then three styles of attachment: secure, insecure avoidant, insecure ambivalent resistant. Each of them produces different forms of intimate relationships, different ways to engage, to find and be yourself and in the relationship with the other.
The secure attachment-love the safe side:
the people who lived it are relatively easy to get close to others.
They are comfortable when dealing with others, and even when others deal with them. Become confident adults that don't care too much neither be abandoned nor fear to create intimacy with the person they love.
The person with secure attachment will be directed towards the people for the safest, demonstrating clearly their feelings, and to share, in a communication, the sad times and the happy ones of his own existence, so as to confirm one's own perception of the person deserves to be loved and cared for.
L’ attachment insecure avoidant-love cold/detached:
feel uncomfortable being close to others, have difficulty to trust and find it difficult to afford to depend on someone else.
These disadvantaged individuals, on the contrary, the parties sure, do not develop their personality, starting from the safety of a secure base to which to refer, in other words, do not benefit in any way, yet affective.
Consequently, the formation of “...A mental model of the self as a person not worthy of love, that has to count only on itself, and a mental model of the mother as a bad person from what not to expect anything.”
They feel nervous when anyone gets too close, their life will be based on a desire to conquer an autonomy and personal self-sufficiency which could, if necessary, the appeal to the other, considered untrustworthy individuals and on which contar a little.
This real life strategy, in reality, is nothing more than a measure of prevention against the risk of further disappointment, due to the experiences of any waste.
L’ attachment insecure ambivalent resistant-the obsessive love:
In the field of love, that person will repeatedly be carried away by the vortex of passion, thinking you've found the right person.
In reality, you will encounter such idealizations excessive of people who have, on the contrary, those character traits that he himself hates. Only then, you will realize that you have committed a mistake in the choice, and at that point, will suffer irreparably.
We have also argued that the child who experiences a relationship with a mother unpredictable, develops models of the self, as a person to be loved in a discontinuous way, intermittently.
From what has been stated, it follows that, within a loving relationship, the adult, when to prevail will be positive models of the self, as a person worthy of love, then you will be deeply loved and respected by the partner, but when going to take over the negative models of the self, as a person vulnerable and not worthy of love, then it will be easily dragged into the tunnel of jealousy extreme, giving life to a relationship, obsessive, possessive.
Being adult means accept reality and act in a way consistent with respect to it. If you do not agree . your responsibility, you can have confidence in themselves. A man, in the face of difficulties, think of how to solve the problem, and when he decided to go his own way.
let's try to understand the meaning
We begin to accept the reality as experienced and to be consistent with this , let us analyze , without fear or compromise, without veils or masks .
Let's take our responsibility , the power of being able to do be able to do to give light to something that will be tomorrow .
Why be an adult means to make informed choices.
