The life of a couple: how and why it comes to the lack of desire,
The reason for the decline of desire has various origins and causes different consequences, it is important, therefore, that it is considered in its complexity and not banalizzarla how often I have heard and read.
comes from unconscious motives, and often from their wounds , because the loss of desire, first of all, is born within us and then spreads to the other person .
My intention in this article is to help the couple to ally in dealing with this problem and find solutions favourable to the welfare of the couple itself.
First of all, we respond to these introductory questions :
We know the natural development of a couple?
We accept the fact that the couple is not a static entity but is in continuous movement?
We consider the events that lead to changes in the pair?
Or we prefer to keep as a model of the torque that the proposal from the movies or the one that we saw in our parents?
I would make these questions a bit challenging because I see every day in the work carried out with couples how much they still today there exists in the definition and recognition of their desires
Before going and then on the specific issue of lack of desire, allow me a short digression that will give meaning to what I will say later.
The life of a couple: the stages
Without going into a theme immense as to why you fall in love with one person rather than another, we simply note that we fall in love.
Falling in love is a very strange, is a very special dimension; when we are in love we are a little bit like the mad precisely as the crazy ones , we really think that what we have encountered is the best, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most intelligent, the most friendly, the most expensive, the most safe, the one to whom we can trust without fear.
We dream, we paint the reality with our expectations.
We become partially blind because the thrust of the passion, of attraction, of the component hormonal, dulls our ability to really see the other in its entirety.
The time duration of falling in love, varies from couple to couple, but the condition is normal, the natural, is that falling in love slowly fades and must make space for something new and different.
This is a time of transition, it is very delicate here, many couples decide to separate, do not bear the loss of the state ecstatic feeling of falling in love, and so many of us think we do not love the other because they have stopped thinking about only him/her, because the reality has removed the veil of illusion.
Yes, in love we are in an illusion: my partner is exactly the way I want, it's perfect!
Let us take a moment to be faced by a human being with many flaws, that we do not know how to listen, who wants always to be right, that is never there when we need you, who do not know how to cook, that is rude and lacking in affection, and so on.
In technical terms, we entered the stage of disappointment.
Often in this phase cadeinsieme to the idealization also sexual desire , even if we will talk about this later .
Now I would like to say is that the disappointment is not necessarily the end of a relationship.
The disappointment allows us to see the other in the aspects of the first neglected, allows us to get us to the question that when you're in love there arises , of the type:
I love this person?
I'm really well together?
I could survive without her?
Respect you?
We share the same values?
How many defects you have? and those limits!?
There are times when you take the act, coming out from the disappointment, which, along with the positive aspects of the existing , in place of the feet to the report, that they see the good, there are negative aspects of consciousness; the negative aspects but do not harm the relationship, but the stain of humanity, make it more real.
To be realistic it has the advantage of being able to retain aspects of positivity and make them live with less positive , makes the couple to be mature and able to deal with the reality, put the couple in the state to be able to take new steps, to reconfirm the day-to-day choice to stay together.Each person must be able to withstand the disappointment to be able to disilludersi and see the other for what is in consistency and stay together
It is important to emphasize that the disillusionment is not resignation: it is a real consciousness .
The disillusionment , and makes us see life in a real way and putting us in the position to rely on the positive things in order to better deal with those that do not go well, and edit them together.
Back to the loss of desire
At times , in reality it is only a matter of different types of desire, that is, different ways of access to the excitement.
The profound knowledge of the other is a will need to be able to keep the deiderio on the same line as the excitation , a desire which we define as the active one , which is the kind of desire that emerge while accomplishing the act itself, but is randomly generated and evolved from a reality conociuta and desired .
Trying to explain it better
The body knows who wants to enter into that state of pleasure which preserves the memory of pleasure that it really comes while you are in that particular act , as it is the completion of the pleasure .
And’ so that it regenerates, the passion and the memory remains active and so it is that we desire in a continuous cycle.
The memory also includes the first encounter with that same person , our choice taken in the evaluation in the broadest way , until you get to the reality so explosive , when it gets really lived in two.
The Sex coach can help couples to find a way to have an open and honest communication so that they can deal with any concern or challenge to a sexual life healthy and happy.
